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Jul. 13th, 2007 @ 12:09 am A lonely day turned around
Current Location: at home
Current Mood: cheerful
Well today was one of the most lonely days of my life seeing as I really didn't have anyone much to talk to. I decided to go out for a short bike ride and as I was biking I noticed that my bike ride was a lot like what I'm doing in life.........I was merely wandering around the outside world until I would pass by something that would interest me. Pretty much how I usually act and think about my life in the world and thinking that made my world a bit more lonelier because I realized that theres not much for me in the outside world. However after I got home I started to talking to friends and it cheered me up. I got to talk to friends about dreams and stories of other friends and it cheered me up greatly. It just goes to show you what talking to friends can do for you.
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Jun. 30th, 2007 @ 11:48 pm There are just some things in this world that are so beautiful
Current Location: at home
Current Mood: cheerful
As I walked out to throw the garbage a couple of hours ago I managed to look up and I saw something I rarely get to see. Tonight of all nights there it was, a nice big, bright and clear full moon. Very rarely have I seen one like it and tonight it was just so beautiful. Usually on these nights the sky would be ruined with the light pollution but it just came out beautifully. The light coming from the moon was just so bright, I could see the clouds up above and the sky seemed so clear. It really was something beautiful for me to see and the moment took away my thoughts of uneasiness.
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Jun. 30th, 2007 @ 07:06 pm I knew the answer before I even asked but still......
Current Location: at home
Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: somewhere out there - our lady peace
Before the question ever left my mind to come out as words I knew the answer. I knew that it was the answer that I didn't want but still I felt like I had to ask. The question has been asked and the answer is what I already knew it was. It would be a lie to say I wasn't disappointed by the answer even though I already knew it was coming but thats just how things go. Still even though I was 99% sure of the answer there was still that 1% of hope that I hung on to because thats what comes natural to people. No matter how sure something is there is always that slight bit of hope we all hold on to and thats what I held on to and now even though that the answer is final that hope is not gone. I have not let go because I will not fall. Instead I will pull up on the hope that I hold on to and rise higher.
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Jun. 28th, 2007 @ 11:26 pm Saying Goodbye..........just isn't my thing
Current Location: at home
Current Mood: sad
You know, this thought came across my head. Saying goodbye has never been something I have ever liked doing. Its just that the meaning behind the word seems so final. Saying Goodbye feels like you're saying that you'll never see the person again. To me its like a final farewell and that just doesn't sit well with me. Losing people to any situation whether it be loss or a change in our paths is just too sad for me. I know its pointless to try and keep all your friends together and its like trying to keep water in your hands.........it'll eventually all slip away but it doesn't stop me from hoping that I can at least try to stay with people as long as I can. My thinking is probably naive and childish but if being childish means I can hold on to that hope that I'll always be with people I'd rather not grow up.
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Jun. 27th, 2007 @ 09:52 pm 3 days into summer and............FACK
Current Location: at home
Current Mood: distressed
*sigh*

Damn it its only 3 days into summer vacation and the thoughts of grade 12 and graduation come flying at me smacking me right in the face. Boy its a scary thought, graduating next year......actually finishing school and leaving friends as I go and take my own path.
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Jun. 26th, 2007 @ 10:35 pm Summer Vacation day 2
Current Location: at home
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: I have a dream - Common
Well I'm faced with a dilema, I ask myself "do I still like her?". I really don't know the answer for myself either, being lost in the question of what it means to like someone has left me quite confused on what I feel. Do I still like her? Did I really like her? Questions, questions and more questions fill my mind as I search for answers but can find only more answers. These thoughts come across as I grow up and friends around me find people they have affections for. I look at them and then look at myself, will I find someone like that for me? I don't know if I truly wish to find someone like that for myself or if I'm just trying to be like everyone else. All I do know is that these thoughts have left me confused and questioning myself. However as I write this thoughts of the person I "like" come to mind. I seen many relationships around me develop and see what they are based upon, the feelings that people feel for the other person and as I think this I ask myself: "do I feel these same things for this person?". Do I see her as someone truly special to me that I would share these feelings with her? I really don't know, I'm just left here to sit and type about my jumbled feelings of confusion.
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Jun. 25th, 2007 @ 06:04 pm 53 weeks and i'm back on live journal.
Current Location: at home
Current Mood: nostalgic
Well its been pretty much a year since i was last on live journal, and looking back at my 4 entries before the beginning of last summer boy....was I emo back then. Though that isn't to say that I'm barely any different now. A lot of those thoughts that I last posted are still wandering in my mind and boy does that suck. Though as I write this things are a bit different, I'm one year older and though I still have these thoughts they aren't really that depressing anymore because I've found great friends that I can count on. I'm thankful for this year of school that I've had, there haven't been many downs and this year has been really fun. I'd like to think that I've grown up a bit and now I'm deciding things for myself. I'm doing what I want to do, even if it means leaving behind friends to accomplish what I want to do. I can't have any regrets about the decisions I've made this past year because that will only lead me to looking back but now, in this last summer vacation before entering my grade 12 year I have to look forward. Looking back will only lead me to being a child forever. That isn't to say that I won't miss my friends that I might be leaving behind but I don't regret my decision. However leaving behind friends at Newman is a hard thing for me, I've made many great friends there and I can only pray that I keep them close to me for as long as I can. As for my love life this year, its been better than the past years. This year was quite interesting when it came to me and girls. Being asked for my e-mail at CSUNA was quite the surprise for me and my friends. Me of all people was asked for their e-mail. Needless to say I didn't see that coming. Also, sending an e-mail to a friend saying that I liked her, boy another first for me however I didn't ask her out. I just said I liked her. Was that a big step for me? Maybe so but I'll say this......lol its not that easy writing down how you feel.

I'll leave this to be continued. later!
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Jun. 15th, 2006 @ 04:27 pm Schools over and now I feel somewhat lonely
Current Location: at home.....alone
Current Mood: depressed
Well school is over now and well..........(sighs) i'm starting to feel the same way I did last summer. My summers for some reason always end up with me getting depressed and lonely. Hopefully though I'm feeling like this at the moment I do end up not feeling like this the whole time. Well not much else to say now. (sighs) Hoping to see friends on a regular basis.
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Jun. 13th, 2006 @ 05:32 pm Good day but could have been better oh well 2 days left of school
Well still counting down as I realise that the feeling of loneliness never leaves you. Again I felt out of place at school, boy it sure is hard finding a place where you belong. Lunch has for the most part this semester been a lonely 45 minutes for me, don't know if people notice this at all though. I really need to stop wandering off on my own........it gets depressing. Hopefully the loneliness fades quickly because well I can honestly say highschool is the living hell to those who are lonely. Still questioning though if being lonely ain't so bad, at least it gives you the urge to want to belong........then again that could be a bad thing. However being in a relationship doesn't seem too good either. Simply putting it........I think people take relationships too seriously at the highschool level. Or maybe this could just be a feeling of envy from a lonely person like me who wishes deep down inside to be with that special someone. Most people would assume this is a cry for attention to not be lonely but for me this is just trying to clear up the jumbled confusing thing the teenage life is. Thigns right now are just too confusing and leaves me divided among soo many things. Oh well...........at least summer is here.
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Jun. 12th, 2006 @ 06:14 pm Wishing to stay with my close friends
Current Location: still at home.........not shit
Current Mood: worried
Well this is another reminder to me that i'm practically done my 2nd year of highschool and that theres only 2 more definite years of highschool left that I can spend with my closest friends. This thought came across to me when I realised that this year went by really fast and that I think I didn't spend my time with friends well enough. Theres only 2 years left and it scares me to think that I might not be able to see them again. People now may care more about their girlfriends and boyfriends but my best friends mean more to me at this point in life than any other person. These people i've grown up with and i've become attached to them to the point that my friendship with them is probably the thing I treasure most. I have 2 years left to spend with these special people to me and yet I see people spending more time with lovers than friends they've grown up with their whole lives. You can spend the rest of your life with your lover but when it comes to your best friends theres only a set amount of time because they have their choices to make and you have your choices to make. Scary thought isn't it though to think that people you've known since elementary school may be gone from you your entire life? I hope people realise this and spend what time they can with friends that have been with you from the beginning. Well this only really applies to those in couples but =P thats how I'm feeling right now.
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Jun. 12th, 2006 @ 05:10 pm First day of the last week of school, not including exams duh =P
Current Location: at home...........no shit
Current Mood: bored
Well its the last week of school before exams at my school and well i'm gonna take this time to remember what I've been able to accomplish this school year including all the ups and downs. First ha i've had a much better sophmore year at my school then my freshmen year. Much less stressing in my mind. Since the beginning of the school year its been a roller coster ride for me and well its been a lot of fun. I was able to make new friends, strengthen my friendship with my closer friends and well think of myself as someone who belongs. Though I haven't felt like that all the time. There were times this year where I was down and well just not in the best shape mentally. Talking about problems is quite well.....problamatic, 1 it makes me seem like I want attention which may be true deep down inside but I would never like to admit that, 2 it seems like i'm just complaining about life and how it really sucks to be a teenager and 3 theres just too much stuff to talk about and typing it all down would be too troublesome.........besides i'm a lazy guy. Oh well heres looking forward to a better year next year.
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